The Genius that is Frank

Pure genius

Pure Genius
Frank Insults The Nation

Go ahead read it...

My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--I didn't hear it.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl."

If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to the wall... Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.

My friend is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

This statement is not true.

If you read all the way down to here you have too much time on your hands and you should not be spending it reading this crap...i mean come on...and by the way, yes i realize i wrote all this crap...shut up.